Bobby Martinez Hates Tennis & the ASP - Boardroom Show
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Bobby Martinez Hates Tennis & the ASP

Bobby Martinez Hates Tennis & the ASP

The talented & looney geniuses at the -ERmag BB message board came up with these PhotoChop gems.

FTW: Forgot That Women (play tennis)

Bobby WilliamsBobby Williams

Bobby Ain’t No Corporate Puppet from Surfing Life on Vimeo.

Snooki causing trouble with tennis pros, errr., we mean pro surfers and Bobby.

Dear Bobby,
By: Chris Mauro,

Just wanted to say thanks for the entertainment today. Good stuff. I’ve always loved your colorful post-heat interviews. They make for some incredibly fun fodder during the webcasts, and did you see? For about 74 minutes today you were quite the trender on twitter. So awesome.

Still, I must admit, as one of your biggest admirers (who will always see you as a smiling, very grateful little grommet at Rincon) I can’t help but be a little saddened by your departure from the world tour ranks.

You see, as hard as I’m trying to feel your pain and fully grasp the depths of hell that those evil twisted corporate soul-sucking bastards at the ASP have been putting you through, it’s frankly a little difficult to sympathize with anyone who — at the end of the day — gets paid to surf for a living.

In an environment like this, when real unemployment in the USA is about 15%, and just having a job makes you among the fortunate in this world, selling us all on the idea that your “dream job” is actually a nightmare is pretty tough.

To much of the world that’s a winning lotto ticket you’re ripping up.

God knows the ASP is very easy target, but no matter how I try to twist things to get a glimpse of what exactly it is you’re seeing, I’m having problems. Maybe my glasses just aren’t dark enough, because through these lenses the worst day on tour is still better than the best day hanging dry or wall in Oxnard, or blogging in San Clemente (trust me).

I’m thrilled to hear you have a new sponsor to support you right now, especially at a crucial time like this, but what happens next year when you’re fading from view and they can’t collect from struggling retailers in this shitty economy?

Don’t get me wrong. I’d love to join the chorus of those pleading on your behalf right now, but first I’d have to grasp the actual point you were trying to make today…which for the life of me I can’t, because it’s got all kinds of holes.

Let’s examine the crux of your rant: “How the fuck is somebody who’s not even competing against our caliber of surfers ahead of 100 of us on the one world ratings. They’ve never been here. They’ve never fucking made the right to surf against us, but now we’re ranked upon [among] them?”

Actually they have. To your point, PRIME events were tailor made for expressly that reason. That’s where anyone in the Top 96 gets to step in the ring with the big boys of the Top 32 and make them justify their existence. From a fans perspective, that’s far superior to the old system where both tours operated in completely separate silos.

Fact is, you’ve been getting beat by those “somebodies” in the very limited amount of Prime events you’ve bothered to enter, like the Nike Lowers Pro, The US Open and last year’s Cold Water Classic. Guys who’ve defeated you would love nothing more than a crack at the title someday, which apparently you’re no longer interested in based on your recent decisions to pass on J-Bay and Tahiti.

And despite your rambling about halfway cutoff marks you’ve had an entire year to justify your Top 32 tour seed. World rankings, after all, are based on your best 8 results over the past 12 months in any ASP rated event, period. You’ve had a huge advantage over those outside the Top 32 with ten more opportunities to perform in tour events with huge points, and yet you want to cry foul?

Unfortunately your results haven’t been so good. Then you compound the problem by refusing to show up at J-Bay and Teahupoo? (And you’ve won Tahiti twice?) Are you implying that after losing, then skipping two world tour events you’re still owed a valuable seed just because you rip and what…you’re Bobby?

You certainly do rip. Of that there’s no question. You haven’t lost even a half-step from what I can tell. What you have lost, however, is any sense of how the world has changed around you in recent years. I hate to break this to you…but a lot of people rip these days…and the ASP owes you absolutely nothing. Time will tell how much you owe the ASP though. It’s never been a perfect system but it’s the still the best one pro surfing has.

In the meantime, like all your fans, I wish you the best in wherever you take your surfing next: films, reality shows, Rincon. Please keep those beautiful carves and that silky smooth style visible. And for what it’s worth, do whatever it takes to find that big grin again. Don’t ever fight the fun.

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